I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
