he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
