i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
