How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
