doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
