Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
