What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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