My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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