i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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