my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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