I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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