I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
