Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
