u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
These tits shall not be calmed
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