No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
