just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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