boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
