He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
