God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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