Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
