u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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