Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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