tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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