turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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