As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
