he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
