You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
