Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
