Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
