So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
