It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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