just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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