If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
