is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
