i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
