hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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