but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
