So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
