Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
