i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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