You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
