Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize