Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
