I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
BRING THE BAGELS
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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