Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
