I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
