..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i think i just lost a toe
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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