well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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