the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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