I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
