8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
