Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
