oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That accounts for only three of the penises
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
