Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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