We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
