Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
