Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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