pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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