what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
