dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
