So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
