she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm really busy with my period
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
