he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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