if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Randomize
