My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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