I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
