and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
